Personal maintenance is essential to the survival of your relationship.
You will need to work out your personal maintenance budget early on in your relationship as to establish the ground rules for spending on yourself. Every woman needs upkeep and a simple way to explain this to your partner is by using the following step-by-step guide. It will really illustrate the point and show him in detail why you need to spend more to make him happy.
 
First you will need to gather a few items which include, scissors, glue, a few large sheets of card board & coloured paper, a digital camera, internet access, a manky hair sample from a dog and your own hair, a sheet of sand paper, a piece of silk, a fat-o-gram, a hot looking stripper, a picture of an elderly woman and a friend with extremely thin lips.
 
This seems like a lot to gather but it will pay dividends. First you need to make your large novelty graph and pie chart using the coloured paper, glue and scissors. This graph should illustrate where your spending is currently and where it needs to go. (That’s up and off the chart for any slow learners out there) The pie chart will balance this by illustrating your spending, a teeny weenie slither of the pie in a light happy colour and the rest of the pie will represent the entire spending of the nation for the entire year in a dark evil colour. It should provide a graphic picture of how frugal you have been up until now.
 
With the digital camera take a photo of your self-looking your absolute best, then hop on to the Internet and log onto www.facesofmeth.us and download a picture of a crystal meth user. Glue the photos side by side on a page and use this in your presentation to explain exhibit A & B. Exhibit A, you, are looking great because of careful maintenance and exhibit B is the result of cheap moisturiser and a suburban hairdresser. If your budget isn’t increased in line with inflation this tragedy could happen to you making the home a very ugly place to be indeed.
 
Without skipping a beat and retaining his full attention ask him to close his eyes and place the piece of manky dog hair in his hands, requesting he stroke it. After he has been suitable unimpressed at the texture, request he take off his shirt and then run your luxurious mane across his chest. Explain to him that the first sample is from your hair which fell out, after a tragic colouring incident with a cheap hair salon, and that the second sample was your hair as it is today thanks to the careful weekly management provided by the ultra exclusive salon you now attend.
 
 
The next part of your detailed presentation requires sand paper and a piece of silk. Ask your partner to put his hand out, rub the sandpaper on the back of his hand until you see a nice graze. Ask for the other hand and gently glide the silk over his skin caressing it gently. Whilst he has gone to get antiseptic and a Band-Aid for his sanded hand tell him that the experiment he just witnessed could be far worse if your budget isn’t increased to allow for regular body wraps, exfoliates and massages as your whole body could wind up feeling like that sand paper. No one would should have to cuddle up to sandpaper in bed no should they?
 
The next part of the presentation is not for the faint at heart but remember to keep your eye on the prize, which will be your personal maintenance dividend. You will need to get a fat-o-gram booked to appear at your house and 10 minutes later a hot looking stripper. Timing is everything on this, as if the stripper arrives before the fat-o-gram your partner will probably not notice if the house blows up much less the next part of your presentation. When the fat-o-gram arrives bring her into the lounge room and explain that as a kid this is what you looked like and you could end up this way again without the triple deluxe membership at the exclusive new gym for invited members only, that has just opened. Then the stripper should walk in at which point you tell him that Trixy here is one of the many trainers at the gym that you will no doubt be having over for cups of tea all the time once you become a member. Quickly usher Trixy out before she starts gyrating in the lounge room giving your game away.
 
 
The final part to the presentation is optional depending how old you are and your views on cosmetic medical procedures. You may however wish to present it regardless as it may come in handy later down the track. Everyone has a friend with really thin lips, find yours and invite her over. You will also need to invite a really old person over. Your grandmother will do if she’s hard of hearing. Show your partner exhibit C, your thin lipped friend and explain that if she had had access to a bigger maintenance budget she would never have had to have this happen to her lips. A quick cologne injection and presto they would be normal. She will probably have gotten up and left by now given you have just insulted her but you can put that fire out later as you are concentrating only on your dividend. Now for exhibit D, the elderly lady, tell your partner that the ravages of time needn’t have affected this 35 year old woman had she simply had a little more in her maintenance budget to allow for 'Botox'. It is too late for her but not for you.
 
You can summarise for dramatic effect using in particular the crystal meth users photo as a solid visual reminder of what could happen to you if the budget isn’t upped drastically and immediately.
 
Moral: Life is too short for cheap moisturiser and bad pedicures